


𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐍𝐎 𝐅𝐔𝐑𝐘

by dyadbenrey



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:13:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyadbenrey/pseuds/dyadbenrey
Summary: As the scorching suns set on Tatooine, Rey stood alone, waiting. She'd placed Ben's clothes in one of the huts; folded neatly as if she was waiting for him to come home to her.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 19
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the ending Rey and Ben Solo deserved.
> 
> The poster was created by the lovely Alex, you can view her twitter account here: https://twitter.com/roguewn

Unimaginable pain shot through her as if a blaster had pierced through her heart. Nothing negative had made a path through her mind. She'd been brought back to life by Ben, nothing else mattered but this. Staring into the eyes of her beloved, Rey watched as his pupils stilled and his grasp weakened before he fell limp on his back. 

_No_...

Still gripping his hand, she bent over Ben as he lay motionless. Her breath hitched in her throat as his face grew ashen pale, and a sickening blue colour replaced him. Before she could utter a word, Ben Solo's body disappeared completely. 

Pain retched through her body, instantaneously. When Palpatine's force lightning had taken her life, it had injured her, but now, as she knelt over her lover's crumpled clothes, a wound far worse spread throughout her. Her eyes began to water, tears had started to fall, no matter how hard she tried, they kept stumbling out. Her half-dead corpse would remain here forever, holding the last piece of him until she too died of emptiness. Seizing Ben's clothes, she clutched them to her chest with her shaking hands; praying they wouldn't vanish also. Heartbreaking cries escaped her distressed body; echoing off the walls of the Death Star, calling out for salvation. 

No, she thought. This wasn't a dream. This was a nightmare. 

Eventually, it took all her strength to endure and get up; and even then she was trembling too much that she couldn't face the dull ache in her chest. Rey gathered up the two lightsabers and his clothes and left the broken structure of the once feared weapon; hoping never to return. 

~

As the scorching suns set on Tatooine, Rey stood alone, waiting. She'd placed Ben's clothes in one of the huts; folded neatly as if he would come home safely. 

_Home._

Home was no longer available to people like him.

Having been on this planet for twenty minutes, warm sand filled her shoes, causing some comfort, but it wasn't to last as two figures eerily appeared before her. 

The two shadows turned into the mighty Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. 

Dressed exactly how Luke looked before he died, Rey took no notice of him but couldn't help but grin when she saw Leia; dressed in extensive white, like how the stories had described her during the battle against the Empire.

"Rey," Luke said, causing her gaze shifted over to him. "We have passed on all we know. A thousand generations live in you now." 

And all for what? She thought, I have no one to share this with.

She bit her lip to stop herself from screaming at him. Why isn't Ben there with them? His body faded away, but where is he in the Force? 

Peering down at her feet, Rey's left leg began to shake from irritation. She hoped they could sense it from her, ask her what was wrong or at least mention the one person who isn't here but should be. As the anger in her body began to swell, the throbbing in her chest grew too; causing her breath to escalate into short, raspy pants. Her lungs were on fire.

"Rey," Leia asked, concern drawing a frown on her face. "Rey, what's wrong?" 

Rey couldn't take it any longer.

"What's _wrong_ ?" Her legs gave out, desperate to move in hopes that she could do something...anything. She began pacing up and down, yelling at them. " _Where is Ben_?!" 

Their silence told her everything. 

"Ben deserves to be standing right next to you," she pointed at them, venomously. "He died saving me...used the force to bring me back...and-" she inhaled, catching her breath quickly. Hot tears ran down her cheeks. "If I'd had known he was going to do that, I would've stopped him before he-" she finally cracked, falling to the ground, her body curling in on herself. She tried steadying her gasps, but nothing worked, it was as if all the torture she'd been festering inside her for nineteen years had finally come loose. 

Then, a guttural scream came from her mouth, believing that wherever Ben was, he could hear her. She screamed his name over and over until her throat was sore, and her voice almost non-existent. But no one spoke back; Ben wouldn't respond. 

With that, she stopped howling but continued to shake frantically on the ground. She heard a small whisper, a gentle voice. _"Rey,"_ Instantly she drew her eyes up towards the source of the noise. 

She wanted to see Ben standing there, completely healed and alive. He would smile, the same gleaming smile etched across his expression before he left her permanently. She desired to see his grin; his happiness. But instead, Leia stood watching her, "Rey," she said. "I'm so very sorry, but because Ben gave his life to save you, he isn't with the Force yet." Leia took a deep breath, preparing herself to say the next three words. "Not until-" She was cut off by a heartbreaking realisation, the terms Leia was too scared to tell. 

"Until I die."


	2. 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐈 - 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐲

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ache in her chest stopped. 
> 
> His face was remarkably so recognisable, so prominent and so happy. Before Rey opened her mouth to speak his name, another voice drowned hers out. "Ben!" Han Solo leapt onto the Falcon, a broad grin upon his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i cried while writing this

Dust began to settle from the sandstorm that violently took down various stalls and outposts. Rey had tried to contain the storm as best as she could, but it ended in ruin as the ache in her chest grew, she could barely raise her arm to use the Force for longer than a minute. There had also been an incident of a young girl having trouble carrying water to her hut. Rey had offered to help by using the Force to ease the girls' efforts, but it had ended tragically as the jug fell to the floor with the girl on top of it; severely cutting her hand. As she tried to apologise, the girls' parents were too ignorant towards the Force, and so Rey decided to leave immediately and lock herself in her hut for as long as possible. 

As the days bled into weeks, gradually Rey was growing tired of Tatooine entirely. Despite spending most of her life on Jakku, she had become accustomed to the heat and sand but swiftly begun to realise why she had desired to leave in the first place. Tatooine wasn't her home, but neither was Jakku - so where did she belong? The few people who spoke to her who lived here barely spoke a word, and when they had asked for her name when she arrived, Rey merely responded with, "I'm no one." 

She'd begun tallying the walls as she did on Jakku, but this time it wasn't her parents she was counting for, it was for Ben. 

At night, when it grew colder than before; she would envelop herself in Ben's clothes and sleep for days, scarcely snacking in between to gain strength before falling back asleep. Was this her life now? She thought to herself, as she cradled Ben's shirt. Despite all this knowledge the Skywalker's had given her, Rey knew deep down in her broken heart. She wanted nothing to do with it. She didn't  _ need _ it. She had learned the ways of the Jedi herself before she had harnessed Ben's life force that stayed inside her, aching in her chest. 

Some days - on very dark days - Rey would ask herself if this life was worth it. Rarely, it would lead to darker days where she would ask herself if she ended it all, she would be with Ben again. 

But she never tried anything; she didn't have the strength. 

On the thirty-eighth day, Rey was plagued with nightmares. She kept turning in her bed, half-conscious. Kept seeing Ben dead before her, blood leaking from his lips; despite moments ago they were softly on hers. 

_ "Ben," Rey whispered so quietly she was frightened he couldn't hear her. But as his eyes trailed down and gazed on her lips, instinctively Rey knew what he needed. Her arms drew up towards his shoulders as she pushed herself towards his, pure need charged through her as she claimed his lips for her own. At first, Rey was shocked at herself, but as Ben's arms circled her; a net of safety and love, Rey felt him deepen into the kiss - growing more confident in his old self. She had admired from afar his lip, ever since they were in the elevator before meeting Snoke. But now as his rosy lips danced with hers, she had never felt more bliss.  _

Rey would replay their kiss in her mind to try and calm herself, try to imagine how it felt - the sensation of it, the need for it, but instead, it made her feel worse. 

What came next after the kiss was much worse. 

" _ Rey _ ," she arose with a start, peering around the hut to see who was talking to her. A table with only a couple of chairs sat at the far side near the kitchen, with bowls and cups left in disarray. Obscurations gloomed around her, provoking her eyes to perceive things and regard figures that weren't there. All it took was one little glimpse from the corner of her eye, and all the air from her lungs left her body instantly. " _ You're not alone, _ " she could recognise him — the shadow of her love. 

With a tremor, she rose from her bed. Ben's shirt wrapped around her chest, soothing the ache that remained. 

"Ben..." a single tear slipped down her cheek, her pulse quickened as she could make out the figure of him. His posture was too recognisable; it was almost amusing; his natural wild hair exactly how he was before he...

Rey uttered the next three words, adamant on making sure every syllable was articulated. "Neither are you." 

As she edged closer towards him, her eyes began to shift and facilitate to the natural light cascading down from the open window. The obscuration gradually began to fade...just like Ben. Closer, and closer, she shuffled until finally, the complete shadow was gone. 

"No, no," she groaned, "Ben, no..." racing towards it, she reached out and seized him. 

Or rather, her hands hurled against the wall. Rey clawed around, tearing her nails - skimming against the rough stone. "Come back," she started shrieking, " _ come back right now! _ " From outside she could hear the bickering, murmurs of confusion as Rey scratched against the wall. To them, she probably looked like a madwoman, the Last Jedi screeching at a bare wall. Hardly legendary. 

A knock jolted her. Rubbing her tears from her cheek, and wiping the salvia that dripped from her mouth Rey stood up and limped to the door. Her head pulsated in agony from the wailing and crying. Her voice was raw and dry. As she passed the kitchen, she noticed a large gathering of people outside her window. Groaning, she opened the door with the Force; exhaustedly. The moment the door crashed against the stone and came off the hinges, she seethed from her mouth but bit her upper lip before the person opposite could notice. 

She was met with Tatooine in the early, fresh morning, the two suns had begun to rise, and an enraged resident was glaring at her. "Look," Rey started to explain before the man cut her off and drove into yelling curses at her. A deep burning sensation began to rise in Rey, and she hoped the man would leave immediately before anything happened.

Trying to calm him down and explain what happened, but she couldn't. 

How could she explain something that wasn't there? Someone's ghost coming back to haunt her? Was that what Ben was doing? Thoughts raced through her mind, what if Ben was trying to talk to her but couldn't? 

Suddenly the man reached out and grabbed her arm, hard. His nails dug into her wrist as he shouted. Rey tried to move away, but his firm hardened until her fingers numbed. Like a bolt of lightning, she felt a rush of adrenaline course through her veins like acid. In her mind Rey pictured her young self being dragged away from her parents' ship by Unkar Plutt, his hand squeezing her wrist so tightly it bruised. "Get away from me," she hissed at the Tatooine resident shoving him back with full Force, the man was lifted into the air and pushed until his head smacked against the hut behind him. The villagers gasped in horror as crimson blood stained the walls as his head rolled to the other side. It took them only a moment to run in the other direction and hide in their homes; children were grabbing for their parents as they screamed in terror from her. 

But for Rey, she felt odd. Looking down at her hand, she noticed marks the man had made already formed an ugly dark purple colour. 

Shots of lightning leaked at the ends of her fingers from her other hand. Palpatine's blood flowed through her veins; her very being was a dangerous weapon. Clenching her fingers, she began walking back inside the hut. 

Her three buns shifted slightly from the sudden burst of anger as she ripped her shirt off. As one hung wildly from the side, Rey had no second thought as she ripped the bindings out from her hair. Her hair had grown since the last time she let it down, after finding her way out of the cave in Ahch-To. Greasy and in loose knots, Rey noticed it now came down almost to her waist. She left it, understanding where she was going there would be no one else there who would recognise her or at least care. 

She used the strips of Ben's old gear to wrap a tight binding around her chest before placing his shirt over her. Warmth engulfed her as if Ben had wrapped his arms around; holding her like he did when they kissed. Her chin wobbled from the very thought of it. Chucking off her boots and pants, she grabbed Ben's pants and pulled them on. Despite the apparent factor of them being too big, she tied a small knot around her middle and seized her belt from the floor. 

After she was dressed, she grabbed everything she needed; the three lightsabers and Han's blaster before leaving the hut indefinitely. 

The shipyard was empty of life, with only a few droids beeping about - fixing severely damaged ships. She had left the Falcon alone for weeks and was glad to see nothing had happened. Marching towards it, a droid emerged from the shadows and circled the ship - its figure reminded her of BB-8, but with a much bigger sized head and a dark brown colour covered in sand and dirt instead of white and yellow. As she approached, the droid cocked its head at her and whined a deep beep. "It's my ship," she told it, before opening the doors. The droid beeped again. "Stay back, or you'll get hurt," Rey snapped, shutting the door instantly. 

Once inside, she walked over to the cockpit and sat down. Groaning from the constant throbbing in her chest, Rey closed her eyes. She wouldn't cry, she told herself, although she wanted to - wanted to shut the doors to the Falcon forever and sit in Han's old seat forever. As she suppressed her feelings; her emotions, Rey felt a sting of delight as the faint noise of a child laughing could be heard from behind her. 

Slowly, Rey turned to find a young boy with jet black hair watching her. 

The ache in her chest stopped. 

His face was remarkably so recognisable, so prominent and so happy. Before Rey opened her mouth to speak his name, another voice drowned hers out. " _ Ben _ !" Han Solo leapt onto the Falcon, a broad grin upon his face. 

Young Ben Solo giggled at his father, running towards the opposite seat beside Rey. " _ I wanna fly! I wanna fly, dad! _ " 

Han chuckled, standing behind him holding onto the back of the seat. "You will one day, I  _ promise _ ." Rey watched the way young Ben Solo looked at his father - as if he were the sun. 

" _ I didn't hate my father _ ," Ben had told her what seemed like a decade ago. Before the vision disappeared, Rey took one last look at the little boy named after hope, and starlight in his eyes. 

Rey pressed the control power button, using the gears to raise the Falcon off the ground and set off. Once the engine roared to life, and she could almost feel happy for once, but it didn't last for long as suddenly, the pain in her chest started to throb again. Tension in her shoulders made it hard to reach out for long, so Rey started the thrusters as quickly as possible and sat back as she reached the outer rim of the planet. Entering the coordinates into the panel, she clutched the lever for hyperspeed. She sucked in a deep breath, readying herself for whatever comes next. Leaving Tatooine was inevitable now, she can never go back there. The life Luke and Leia wanted for her wasn't hers - she hoped they would understand. 

Pulling the lever back, the sheer force of the ship pushed her back into her seat. It would only take a few moments to reach her destination, so she stood up and walked away from the cockpit - wandering towards Han's wardrobe. Holding her chest, she grimaced in pain with every step she took. She felt as if her body wasn't completely whole anymore, every joint in her body hurt when she moved, and the pain in her chest worsened with every breath. 

" _ We're a  _ **_ Dyad _ ** _ in the Force, Rey. Two that are one _ ," Ben told her when she was on board of the Pegasus Starfighter. 

We are one. 

Rey almost fell to the ground by remembering it just now. How could she forget something so significant? They are on in the Force...

Were one with the Force. 

When Ben died, half of herself killed with him. 

A cataract of tears descended, leaving her cheeks a graveyard of wet memories. The engine below her rumbled in motion, breathing in time with it; she calmed herself down before pushing herself up. Her quavering fingers clasped the wall for support as she approached. 

She would need warmer clothes for where she was going. She was grateful last time the Resistance had given her a warm poncho, but as Rey scanned the contents. To her dismay, the wardrobe was filled with extravagant cloaks and dresses. Rey stood in shock, running her fingers through each material; silk, velvet, and cotton. Grabbing the first thick black velvet cloak, she placed it over her shoulders. It reached just above her ankles, a long shadow of what could've been if Rey had chosen to be Empress Palpatine came over her. Then, like the crashing waves on Exergol, a feeling swept through her. 

_ If she'd chosen Palpatine, Ben would still be alive. _

~

Rey looked like a ghost as she stared into the long mirror. Her face ghostly pale; despite living on the hot planet, she barely allowed the sun to touch her skin. Her cheeks had grown shallow; prodding into her skull, cheekbones were more prominent like her jawline. Since Rey was a child she had liked her chubby cheeks, it had been something she always cherished for if they had ever come back, Rey was instantly recognisable from her childlike face and hair. 

She ran her hand down her body; a struck of pain as she passed the place between her breasts, to her ribcage and her stomach - Rey could feel herself growing thinner. On Tatooine, she had tried to eat as much as she could, but she became more and more nauseous with each passing day. 

Suddenly, the Falcon came to an abrupt stop causing Rey almost to lose her footing. Pressing her hand to the wall for support, she took a deep breath and stepped over slowly to the cockpit. She hadn't seen the planet in months but had already missed the luscious green plains and the creatures that inhabited it. 

Ahch-To. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i hated writing the line "If she'd chosen Palpatine, Ben would still be alive." because its so fucking true and i hate it so fucking much

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, I'm planning on more ;)


End file.
